Morning Walk

Pretty cousin once told me, there are 2 ways to fix an unhealthy sleep cycle. The gentle way: adjust it day by day, an hour earlier each day; the extreme way: stay awake for a day and sleep early the next, then stick with the sleep time.

Today I found a 3rd way, flip the 1st and combine the 2. To be more specific, sleep later & later each day, and you'll find yourself going to sleep in the morning, waking at lunch time, and going to sleep again at 9pm. So I woke up at 4 this morning.

And decided I need a run. But of course, I wouldn't go out THAT early,unlike my friend who used to go cycling at 2am and even left a message in my mailbox. CRAZY!!!

So I went out at 6am. There are so many older neighbours already out walking. And what do you know, I ran into my best friend's cute mom. A pleasant surprise, and very encouraging for the 1st (of many, I hope) morning walk around the neighbourhood. Love her <3

I said I needed a run; in truth I ran 2 minutes and walked 40 minutes. Hahaha. Ok, next time I'll jog.

I can't recall the last time I saw morning come, breathe the fresh air. This morning walk is an awesome experience. Seeing neighbours I've never met on their walks, neighbours stretching at the front of their house, neighbours getting to work; hearing the buzz of people getting ready for their day. Left side neighbour's son already off to work, right side neighbour's son just got home. What a contrast. Cars on the road, planes in the sky, buses picking up children.

Walked past my teacher's house, thought of school days, when I used to wake at 6, and I miss my friends again. Wish I see all of them often, but it's geographically impossible.

Exercise reminds me of the days I used to learn Wushu. Those Saturdays I fooled around with comrades. Both school & wushu made me remember a quality I've forgotten in a long, long time: Discipline.

And that speaks volumes.

I shall retain the music playlist accompanying my morning walk, for the words they sing to me, and for me.
OneRepublic Stop and Stare
Linkin Park Breaking The Habit
Coldplay Lost
The All-American Rejects Move Along
Coldplay Speed of Sound
Eason 夕阳无限好
Jason Mraz You Fucking Did It

无事不登三宝殿

我自认是个不错的朋友。以前的我。
中学毕业后，朋友们分道扬镳，见面的机会少了。

我是很被动的人，自己不会主动联络人家，除非有事情需要帮忙。所以，我在朋友们的心目中，是不是这样的人呢？ 无事不登三宝殿。有事来找你，没事无踪影。

今天去找朋友吃午餐，也跟她要了一本past year papers。
她说:“这本东西好伟大。“ 讽刺我!

自我检讨的结论就是，朋友们听好咯!
我以后没事也会kacau你们的!!! XP

Muhammad Yunus

On 8th of December, I had my 1st encounter with a Nobel Laureate. Professor Muhammad Yunus, economist, pioneer in microcredit, founder of Grameen Bank. He along with Grameen Bank were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 2006 "for their efforts to create economic and social development from below." He visited Malaysia and somehow HELP University managed to invite him over to give a talk.

I have always wanted to read his book "Banker to the Poor", though I have not bought it yet. HELP libraries have none of his 3 books! Erm... no wonder so many students have no idea who he is? Somebody actually said that they were invited to attend but chose not to go because they didn't know him. WHAT?! Ask your friend GOOGLE.


I was very intrigued, of course I had to go! My first impression of him was that he is a humble man, dressed in a simple punjabi suit, with a quiet and gentle voice. He'd make a great story teller.

It was a simple speech--just over half an hour long-- about the beliefs and motivations driving his career. He started off by introducing the environment he grew up in. A poor community in a Bangladeshi village, where loan-sharking was prominent. This is where he developed a "worm's-eye view", seeing things from close range; as opposed to the "bird's-eye view" he learnt in university. According to him, problems are not as threatening when you see them up close. Interesting, that.

The problem he saw, was of course, poverty. Banks cannot lend money to poor people, instead, they lend money to people who already have a lot. This is a wrong design. This led to his decision to create a bank with his ideology. How did he do it? Learn from conventional banks and do the OPPOSITE. (So cool)
For instance, people always go to the bank, so the bank should go to the people. Banks want collateral for borrowing, he omitted it. In his words, "Collateral is a CONSPIRACY against poor people." "CREDIT should be the equivalent of TRUST." "Banking systems are built on DISTRUST."
Grameen bank lends money based on trust, therefore they don't require collateral. This is why they do not need any papers/legal documents, and therefore do not hire lawyers. For some reason, the audience was impressed by this statement. Don't like lawyers? haha

Now I should mention that 95% of Grameen Bank is owned by the borrowers, of which 97% are women. They also claim a loan recovery rate of 96.67%. I got this off Wikipedia.

"Poor people are like bonsai", he said. There are nothing wrong with their seeds, they just don't have enough space to grow. Society has limited their space, all because of the conceptual framework of Capitalism, which misunderstands human beings. We have all been taught selfishness, and turned into money chasers. But we are not robots; we are multi-dimensional. We can be selfish and selfless at the same time. (Contradictions, contradictions...) So we should express our selflessness, not selfishness. "Everything is for others."

That leads to the concept of social business--building companies to solve problems. Money-making business creates power, and this power can solve problems. He pointed out that it is different from charity--the money doesn't come back. (wow) Note that his problems are always associated with poverty.
Well, it seems I need to read his other books about social business too. My cousin tells me "it's pretty good stuff".

At the end, I had one big question in my mind.
So what the heck am I doing in university, learning all about capitalism?
Hahaha.
His courage and persistence is admirable. He had a simple dream and he found a way to make it happen.
There are, however, some criticisms against microlending and Grameen Bank, questioning its effectiveness. So is the simplicity of his framework its flaw as well?
I shall leave this question for another day...

What do you want?

This is something that has been sitting in my 'Drafts' for weeks. I thought I should just post it.

A friend innocently asked,
"Then you should choose the way you want to be right?"
Privately, I was thinking,
"Is life so simple to you? Everything clear-cut? Have you no complexities? Ever heard of contradictions?"

In truth...
The real question here is, what do I want? And since I've been told that I'm the greedy sort who wants all kinds of things --to which I agree-- the more relevant question is, what do I want more?

Dear reader,

I haven't blogged in a long while, so long that I'm not even familiar with blogger.com's new look. And so much so that nobody bothers to check this page anymore.
I checked my page stats this afternoon and found that I still have a few page views this month, and they were all from the North American region.
So, the only person I can think of, I think u r my one n only reader. Hahaha
So my friend, I'll continue to talk to u through this one-way conversation. Now why don't u start a blog and make it a two-way conversation? Haha!

Rainy October and KTM don't mesh

I was born in October, the rainy season here in Msia. Is that why I'm not bothered by the rain? I even love it, sometimes.

But today I felt the downside. The fact that I was born in Msia, the rich land with poor planners. KTM got problems from the rain. No surprise there. I've heard that KTM has been having problems since yesterday, and turns out they are using only one platform, meaning sharing ONE track for 4 lines. Hence the delays.

I wonder if anybody has ever witnessed anybody losing it in the KTM? I don't doubt that it has happened. I was stuck this morning in a train for more than an hour, standing the whole time. Let me note that it was the morning rush hour. The most frustrating fact is my destination on the KTM route was only 3 stations away.

Incidentally, that was the time when I really appreciated the creation of smartphones. Every passenger was texting or playing games or reading. And the Girl in front of me one-upped everybody, she took out her iPad to watch a movie. Meanwhile I, put a song on playback and listened to Coldplay singing,
"I'm gonna buy a gun and start a war/If u can tell me sth worth fighting for/I'm gonna buy this place that's what I said/Blame it upon a rush of blood to the head."

A rush of blood to the head indeed.
In my head I was imagining myself going insane. I am not the type who could remain stationary in a closed structure, is anybody? At the height of my restlessness, I texted my best friend, it reads: "Been Stuck on a ktm for 1hr standing with nth to lean on. My calf muscles developing a cramp, and my brain developing claustrophobia. =.="
Truly, this unreliable public transport system stresses people out.
On top of that, we keep seeing Ah Jib Gor's face with the slogan "Janji Ditepati" attached, plastered on the new coaches and some stations.
Oh the irony!!!
His PR team thinks it's good publicity, a not-so-subtle reminder that he got us new trains; we think it's a way to get in our faces.

Bad Day

오랜만에이다 내blog...
Hahaha... had an urge to blog, finally. Add to that the coincidence of finding myself alone at home, perfect opportunity for doing my own thing. Quiet & solitude suits me just fine.

It's been a long time since I've had to drive myself to college. I have much to say about the increasingly difficult parking situation at HELP University.
Had an 8.30am class to attend this morning. Asked a friend beforehand, what time I have to get there to get a decent parking space; so he said, 7.30am.
Now those of you who know me well (maybe even not so well), would know how difficult it is to drag me from my sleep early in the morning. But thanks to 2 alarm clocks & a 3-hour-not-so-deep-sleep, I had no trouble waking up at 6.30am. And it took me only 20 minutes to arrive at the parking lot at 7.30am sharp, thanks to school holidays, loose traffic.
Turns out my friend was right. I parked my car, then worried about others double parking & blocking my car, and contemplated changing space. And in the course of 5 minutes (contemplating), I watched students filling up all the other parking spaces. =.=
Funny how I always tell myself "listen to your gut", but always too slow to take action till it's too late. But it turns out my gut feeling didn't help much this time. To be revealed later in this post.

So I took the bus to KPD, went to Subway to get breakfast. Great sandwich + free coffee (breakfast menu), my favourite fast food franchise. Haha.
Looked around and guessed that they're not ready yet, so I sat down to wait. I realised belatedly that their business hours start at 8am. (What?! I thought it was 7.45am. Since when did they change that?) Anyway, that means I'm early by 15 minutes, so I settled to reading my Economist. But you know what's weird? These Subway guys were blasting CLUB MUSIC on their speakers! *faint* (Dude! It's 8 freaking a.m. in the morning! And I'm reading!!!) Apparently they need loud music to wake them up. @@
I had to blast my own MP3 to counter that annoying sound. I hate club music, of all genres. Thank god for Sony; The Script, Nickelback, Jason Mraz, Adele...

After breakfast, I made my way to class, fully expecting the campus to be affected by the water shortage; but no. We have no electricity! As Dr Sharon said, no water no electricity, we live in a 3rd world country. Haha. We did have water but not electricity. As temporary measures, there was a generator just outside the block. And guess where my classroom is? Right next to it!!!!!
OMG... you know how noisy that thing is?? I had to bear that buzz for 2 and a half hours of class. Couldn't concentrate. My right ear was already a bit swollen from too much MP3; now I feel pain.
Had my fair share of sound pollution this morning. I find that I cannot tahan noise. I'd either get headache or I'd vomit *blek*, that's how I felt.

After class, I went back to the parking lot. Surprise surprise. Somebody double-parked in front of my car.
Actually, there was no avoiding it. Every other space that can be squeezed into had been occupied by late-comers/double-parkers (eh, got such word meh?). Called the guy, and no surprise again, he's coming from KPD. So I had to wait for half an hour. Fortunately, the weather was nice and I could stand beside the car to read. By the way I bought a book at RM19.90 at a stall in front of block A earlier, while waiting for the bus. The name of the author caught my eye and I just bought it out of curiosity. I suspect it is counterfeit, though.
While waiting, I realised that such was the reality of HELP students. Come early for parking or double-park or park illegally and risk kena saman; and if you finish earlier than others expect to call somebody to remove their vehicle cuz they're blocking you. Consider the costs, waiting for the other person to come, and the costs on his side for having to leave class. The whole situation reminds me of Hong Kong, with the lack of land/resources (parking space) & overcrowded population (students), with the effect on people having to rush through their lives & to deal with high costs of living.

On the drive home, I was thinking about all the stress/noise I encountered in just one morning. At the same time thinking about the book I just bought, about uncertainties/randomness/probabilities. At one point I switched the radio channel and out came Daniel Powter's Bad Day. Yea, I kinda had a bad day. What are the odds??? (pun intended) XD

Move Along

The sad part about LP is:
They are the best friend who knows exactly how you feel. They understand you.
But they don't teach you how to get out of your misery.

Perhaps I should stick to listening to more positive songs from other bands.

The best example being The All American Rejects 'Move Along', which inspired the name for this page.
When all you gotta keep is strong
Move along, move along
Like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along
Just to make it through
When everything is wrong, we move along
Right back what is wrong, we move along

Or Coldplay 'Fix You'
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Crawling

Linkin Park. My favourite band.
If I remember correctly, the 1st time I heard them was on TV, performing for a reward show.
They performed 'Crawling'. At the time, I wasn't into rock music, and it was too noisy for me.
Although later I saw 'In the End' on TV and instantly liked it. LP was cool.

And then came 'Meteora', their 2nd album, my all-time favourite.
And I have been a fan since.
When you're an adolescent you have a lot of anger, frustration, hurt, disappointment.
I'm sure everyone can relate to the lyrics in 'Numb'.
LP expressed all those emotions so well I thought they were genius.

For a while, I thought I'd outgrown LP.
But when things started to go downhill, I came back to them.
This time, I find new meanings in the lyrics.
And, I find the song which best express what I feel is, surprisingly, 'Crawling'.

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
This lack of self control I fear is never ending
Controlling, I can't seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense in confidence, I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)

Burden

Hopes, expectations, belief and love.

People draw strength, motivation and drive from them.

To me, they all translate into pressure, a great burden.

And I, of little self-confidence, threw it all away.

自暴自弃

I have never fully understood the meaning of self-destruction, until this day.

Suffice to say that you won't find the motivation to change, by making your situation worse.

贼！

死废柴。良心被狗吃。天打雷劈。不得好死。小心恶有恶报。

唔是你的就唔是你的，贪小便宜，小心你损失更大，得不偿失。

衰到贴地，等你无得翻身。

老天爷最好打你入十八层地狱，等你求生不得，求死不能。

咒完。GOD forgive me.

VERDICT

and I got death sentence.

what do I do now?

and how to break the news?

TV...离我远一点

This is supposed to be study month.

So how come I'm spending my days as if I'm on holidays???

Crap...

I needa get my priorities straight.

YOU STAY AWAY FROM THAT TV!!!!!

everybody Fighting! =)

Super Show II, Live in KL

I know. This update is rather late, but I didn't have the opportunity to do this earlier.

20th March 2010, I saw Super Junior live.
I sang, laughed, screamed, jumped and even cried with them.
I had a blast!

Apart from my faulty Sapphire Blue glow stick (there goes my money), everything else was perfect.
But of course, I didn't take into account that, to our lasting regrets, Kangin, Hankyung and Kibum were absent.

I don't think I need to talk about what went down, you can easily find those in reports by the media.
The most important thing to me, is how I felt, and to treasure the whole experience.
I believe that is what SuJu want as well.

I cannot even begin to describe my excitement.
All I can say is, when LT and I ran out of the stadium, we were ecstatic!
Laughing and talking like 2 crazy people.

Well, first of all, I will say: I LOVE MY SEAT!!!
That's where one of the 2 raised platforms was and we got 3rd row.
I got to see my idols standing just metres away from me. A lot of the times facing me too!
How COOL is that!
Every single one of them came to this corner and I had a good look at each, especially Yesung, Sungmin, Siwon, Heechul and Donghae.
I didn't know that Yesung is so slim.
Sungmin is very handsome.
Siwon posed for the Thai fan a seat away from me, great expressions.
I saw Heechul smirk! Wicked!
Donghae is just sweet.

I suppose each of them must be 'in charge' of a corner, so I was worried I'd not see my favourites up close.
But Eunhyuk and Eeteuk didn't disappoint us (me & my sis =P), they eventually came during encore.
Eunhyuk is actually not short; he's CUTE.
Eeteuk is exactly like how I usually see him in videos.
Kyuhyun took a fan's phone and took a picture with it! I envy her!
Our seats were so near that we're sure there were moments when a couple of them saw us. Yeah, actually saw our faces.
Min Ee might kill me for this. During the last few seconds of his solo, Yesung looked in my direction. It felt like he was singing to me!!!
I'm completely star-struck.

Another thing I loved about the concert was the fans, ELFs.
The Pearl Sapphire Blue ocean, was an incredible sight.
The love we all have for SuJu is simply overwhelming.
Loved it when ELFs sang along to every song they know.
And man, can we all scream!
The opening was when I truly experienced the effect of 15000 screaming fans.
It was DEAFENING. I seriously couldn't hear a thing.
I'm sure SuJu loved it.
Speaking of which, close to 3 hours of constant screaming nearly gave me a sore throat.
Honestly, I was sure that I'd lose my voice after, but it works fine.
I think I screamed till I went beyond my limits, that my screams were sort of 'upgraded', brought to the next level.

But the best part was when they sang Shining Star.
They played a video before the song, of each of the members saying they appreciate ELFs' love and support all these years.
I was already tearing up when I saw that.
Then thousands of fans took out their flash lights/LED mini bulbs, to create 'shining stars'.
It was a touching moment.
I saw Eeteuk, at the centre of it all, crying.
That right there, was when I truly felt the bond between us, SuJu and ELFs.
We love them, and they were letting us know that they love us too.

I thank ELFs, for being there, for being a community.
I thank SuJu, for putting on a great show, for bringing us all together.
The BEST CONCERT I've ever been to.
And I thank Eeteuk, for bringing everyone over to this side of the stage when they said farewell!
사랑해요 박정수!!!


The memories of the concert will stay with me always.
Love Super Junior ^^

Do your best

It's been a while since I've blogged.
These days I just feel bad.
I wasn't going to share those bad feelings.
But well, it's good to let it out sometimes.

I don't know how I turned out to be like this.
Idling around, looking for insignificant things to do, caring about other people's business, wasting time.
Generally, avoiding things I have to do.

It's bad. Really bad.
In fact, worse than ever.
I think I hate myself.

It wasn't too long ago when I had 100 days to my exams.
Now there's less than 2 months left.
The sense of urgency is getting more intense by the second.

I need to pass the ultimate test.
I need to break through my own weaknesses.
Otherwise, there's gonna be a next time, and I'd be worse than I am now.

I'm not useless.
I shall do my best to prove it.

NOTICE: Change URL

Hello people.
I am changing my blog URL.
The new URL: www.rightbackwhatiswrong.blogspot.com

haha...yes...u just have to change 2 words. (rite --> right ; wat -->what)
actually the reason is very simple.
I used my hotmail to sign up when i opened this blog.
Now I want to change it to my gmail account.
Very 'ma fan' loh... everytime i sign in gmail my blog will automatically sign out one...
It's ok if u don c the connection... hahaha...

So, please remember to change the URL if u have linked me in ur website. =D

100 days countdown

Whee~~ We got the GIANT Super Show 2 poster!
Thanks to my sis' friend who also helped with buying the tickets.
I think it's as big as our Linkin Park poster...maybe bigger.

Yee Theng said there's 100 days left to our exams.
Translated: OH NO...I'M DEAD.
That is...if I don't do something about my studies. =.=
Ok. It's do or die.

Always keep the faith

Today is JaeJoong's birthday.

Hahahahah...that was random.
Yup, I know the birthdates of every single member of TVXQ and SuJu. XD
In case you don't know who he is, he's Hero from TVXQ, always in the middle.

There have been rumours of disbandment (TVXQ) , and I'm not sure what to believe.
But I do believe, that deep down, they are together as one.
I feel it from their singing.


Haha...it's fine if you don't get it. Many don't.

"Always keep the faith"
Micky and Jaejoong had these words tattooed on their chests.
Was it a promise between them?
Or a silent plea to fans to believe in them?
Who knows... But fans like to think so.

In any case, they are the ones having the hardest time.
I hope they really keep faith in themselves, and in each other.

I'm so excited. HAHA

I never knew that I could be like this.
Xuan told me this a couple of years ago too; I laughed at the time.
Now, I'm saying this to myself.

I never knew you could be so crazy over idol singers!

At the time, she was talking about Dong Bang Shin Ki.
Today, I'm talking about Super Junior!!!

To people who don't know it yet:
Yes! SUPER JUNIOR is coming to MALAYSIA!

Super Show 2
20th March 2010
Stadium Putra Bukit Jalil.

Woohoo, we got the tickets!

Coming back to my statement, why did I suddenly have such a thought?
During break in Econs class today, my friends asked me about the seating plan of the concert, and we started talking about it.
I got so excited I couldn't even concentrate later in class.
To the point where my hands were shaking and my heart was beating faster than usual.

I mean...
Man, I got so worked up I couldn't believe it myself.

I wonder how I'd behave if it was Dong Bang Shin Ki instead.
They did come 2 years ago; but I had SPM and it was impossible for me to go.
It is regrettable, not being able to hear them sing live, but I think I traded that with an A1 in Bio.
HAHA. It's all about opportunity cost, isn't it?
Not too long ago, I learned that Kher Ye got free tickets to that concert and went with her mother. Plus, she got good seats. T.T
The only thing I can say is, Kher Ye, why didn't I know you at that time?!

I didn't think that SUPER JUNIOR would have their concert in Malaysia.
I hope it's super successful so they would come again in the future.
Well, so far, it's been optimistic. Hundreds of fans turned up yesterday to buy tickets, so I'm guessing they're selling like hot cakes.
My sis told me about the concert on Saturday, saw an article on the newspaper.
I read the papers on Sunday, and I told her, I want that giant poster!
It's said the organizers are giving 500 free giant posters for every purchase of 2 tickets.
Pre-sale started yesterday, only available at Sungai Wang.
So my sis went there around noon and MAN, SUPER SUPER LONG QUEUE!
I was having socio lecture, but at the same time worried about my ticket. We were buying numbered seats so it was crucial we get our desired spot.
So I kept texting her to get real time updates, haha. Sorry Dr Chin ><

I heard it was chaotic out there. There was only one counter.
They didn't even set up lines for queuing.
The number of staffs, credit card machines and computers were just too few.
And, you have to fill up a form before you buy the tickets.
So it was very damn slow. In the end it took my sis more than 4 hours to finally get the tickets.
Blame it on terrible management and horrible customer service!
Or shall I say, underestimating the popularity of SJ and the power of ELFs???
On top of that, you have to queue again on the 31st to get the poster. LIARS.

Well whatever, most important thing is I'M GOING. Haha.
Some people might be puzzled, how I can spend RM458 on a single concert without even thinking about it.
I think, that watching thousands or millions of videos of them on Youtube, doesn't add up to an experience of seeing them perform live.
Sadly, this time, not everyone is coming. I don't get to see all 13 members.
Kibum doesn't participate in Super Show 2; Kangin has been 'frozen'; Hangeng has contract issues. And some say Heechul might not come.
Damn, I really want to see 韩庚. He is one person I really admire.

Here's a side story before I end this post.
Yesterday, I was talking about the concert with my friends, during break too. Haha.
Dr Chin was writing notes on the board, and he turned around to ask us, 'Are you talking about a show?'
I said, 'Concert.'
'Whose concert?' he asked.
'Korean boy band', I answered.
He said, 'You are his (maybe he thought it's one singer) fan? Well, that's interesting.'

Mind you, we were having a class on cultural globalization.
It is interesting. If it weren't for technological globalization, I wouldn't be able to become a Kpop fan. And so Korean culture is influencing me; I'm contributing to cultural globalization. o.0
We are at the mercy of globalization.
Can it be stopped? I don't think so.
The more important question is, how do we deal with it?
As Dr Chin pointed out yesterday, globalization comes with a price, the question is whether we are able to pay it.